


Crawling back to you

by definitelythor (yourlionheartx)



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF), Video Blogging & YouTube RPF
Genre: Alcohol, Anal Sex, Dirty Talk, Facials, Friends With Benefits, M/M, Oral Sex, Phone Sex, Rimming, mention of drug use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-03-24
Updated: 2014-03-24
Packaged: 2018-01-16 21:51:01
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,425
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1362979
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yourlionheartx/pseuds/definitelythor
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Inspired by Do I wanna know by The Arctic Monkeys [x] Dan and Phil started having phone sex while Dan was at uni, and once they moved in together they just stopped. Now they’re both coming to the realisation they want more, but they can still only tell each other over the phone</p>
            </blockquote>





	Crawling back to you

**Author's Note:**

> I'm transferring all my fics here from tumblr. I'm definitelythor on tumblr as well, in case you're wondering why you've already read this

When Phil first started talking to Dan he spent most of the time worrying that he was being irritating, that Dan didn’t really want to spend all these hours on [skype](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) talking about the latest episode of true blood and looking up the walking distance between their houses. Dan was eighteen and when Phil was eighteen he was at parties a lot and hooking up with people who he never saw again. Dan spent every night talking to Phil, and still Phil struggled to shake off the feeling that Dan was just humouring him, pretending to like him because he felt bad for him. Phil was lonely then, he had finished university and didn’t know where he was going and it felt like every day was speeding by him and leaving him somewhere he didn’t want to be.   
  
And then there was Dan, who pretty much just forced himself into Phil’s life, came charging in with his flirty dms and his stupid dimpled smile. Phil can’t remember how they became best friends, it all happened so fast. They fell into each other so quickly that it seemed almost a rush, like something too good to be true, a whirlwind of pixelated images on the screen and bad wifi and _my mum’s making me get off the[laptop](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#), please call me_ turning into walking through town, stealing glances and trying to hide smiles behind coffee cups, to _I love you_ s murmured to each other as they lay in the snow and caught the flakes with their tongues like children. Dan turned to stare at Phil, not even bothering to try and look cool as his eyes moved over all of him, watching the snow catch in Phil’s black hair and fall on his [skin](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#). Phil tilted his head to meet his eyes and it felt like a punch in the chest.   
  
He probably hasn’t been okay since the first day they met, when he watched Dan [step](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) off the train and glance up at him with wide eyes and a smile that made Phil’s stomach swoop and flutter, so he finally understood all that shit about butterflies and chills and maybe even love at first sight, although it wasn’t really first sight. It was just the first time he could reach out and press his hand to Dan’s shoulder, watching Dan’s little smirk as he whispered “I can’t believe you’re real” before pulling him for a hug that knocked the wind out of his lungs.

Now Phil’s forgotten how to breathe without Dan’s name being in his head on every exhale. He wants to [stand](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) and just scream about it to anyone who will listen, but if he tells someone chances are it will get back to Dan somehow, because all his friends are Dan’s friends, and Phil’s honestly terrified that Dan might find out how far gone he is. Dan’s irreplaceable, Phil can’t lose him just because he can’t hide how he feels. He thought at first maybe this whole thing was a friendship type crush, just an overwhelming amount of feelings for one person, easily mistaken as more, the desperation to be close to him all the time, to be talking to him and about him, because Dan seemed to understand him more than anyone else, and actually wanted to be around him. It gradually dawned on Phil that what he was feeling was so far from platonic. He didn’t want to be just friends with Dan but that’s what they were and he didn’t know how to approach the situation. He didn’t want to mess it all up.   
  
When Dan went to university Phil knew he was spending some of his nights with other boys, finding himself and [learning](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) about himself, and Phil had to accept that he wasn’t the person Dan wanted to experiment with, which made perfect sense because they were best friends and that was weird, but Phil was still jealous. When Dan came to visit him, to film videos and get take aways at his apartment, and Phil saw little bruises on his neck in the shape of someone elses mouth, of course he was jealous. Occasionally Dan mentioned what he’d been up to the previous night, a blur of names, people he met at the university’s LGBT society and a guy in his class who was _at least a four on the Kinsey[scale](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#)_ who Dan apparently kept catching smiling at him. Phil’s foot tapped against the floor as he stared at the television screen, where they were probably watching the latest Glee episode, and he tried so hard not to care but he was already so in love and Dan had no fucking idea.

It seemed like every second Dan wasn’t with Phil they were on the phone to each other, Phil remembers Dan calling from a club in town, his voice slurred and the beat of the music in the background making it hard to hear a word. Phil was totally [ready](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) for bed until Dan called.   
  
“I think it’s quite probable I’m in love with you,” Dan had shouted, and Phil held his breath for a moment, his fingers tightening on his phone.  
  
“Do you need a lift home, Dan,” he asked. He wasn’t sure what Dan wanted him to say, he wasn’t sure he had _anything_ to say to a drunken, slurred confession from the other side of Manchester.   
  
“That’s not how you’re meant to answer that.”  
  
“You’re drunk.” Phil thought he could hear his heart beating in his ears, and it wasn’t helping him to hear Dan’s reply.   
  
“I know. I’m really – fucked up.”  
  
“Where are you? Can you walk to the high street so I can find you?”  
  
“I don’t know how to have a good time without getting drunk, Phil. I can’t talk to anyone until I’m fucking paralytic and when someone’s like hey, try this [drug](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) it will make you feel more confident and I’m like yeah why the fuck not, maybe it’ll kill me – that might be nice,” Dan rambled.   
  
His breath caught in a hiccough and Phil was already in his coat and grabbing his car keys, despite not actually having any idea where he was going to find Dan. His [plan](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) was basically to keep Dan on speaker phone and drive to each of the night clubs he knew in town until he found him. He drove to town with his pyjamas on and outside tiger tiger, which was still flashing with lights, drunk students spilling from the doors with their arms around each other, staggering towards the taxi rank, he saw Dan wandering along the pavement, his phone still pressed to his ear.   
  
All Phil could see was Dan’s beaming smile as he stepped off the train, now replaced with red rimmed eyes and bitten lips, tears tracking down his cheeks and making Phil’s head hurt.   
  
“I’m sorry,” Dan said quietly with a sad smile.  
  
“Shut up, I’m just glad you’re safe,” Phil muttered with a small smile. He helped Dan into his car, winding down the window and driving him back to his apartment where he held his hair away from his face as he threw up.   
  
“I’m really not okay,” Dan muttered, wiping his eyes.  
  
“I know, Dan. Tomorrow we’re going to talk about this, I don’t like it when you’re sad,” Phil said gently. He continued running his hands through Dan’s hair. “Have a shower and get to sleep. I’ll get you some water. There’s a spare toothbrush above the sink.”  
  
Dan had that look on his face, all wide eyes and kind of zoned out as he stared ahead of him, like he wasn’t even sure where he was. Or where he was going. Phil remembered nights in in his apartment, before he met Dan, staring at the ceiling and trying to figure out what the point in everything was, why he was even alive.

“Sleep in my room,” Phil said. Dan blinked and looked up at him. “My [beds](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) big enough for both of us.”  
  
Phil isn’t even sure why he waited until he was out of the room to [stop](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) and glance back, picking at the skin around his thumb with his forefinger as he watched Dan struggle to his feet, to say quietly. “I’m probably in love with you too.”  
  
Dan looked up to meet his eyes. “It’s easier to be friends though, isn’t it? Nothing gets fucked then.”  
  
“I guess.” Phil shrugged, glancing down at the floor as Dan pulled his t shirt over his head, messing up his hair. He looked up and Dan shrugged as well, mirroring Phil’s action before he reached to get Phil’s spare toothbrush and Phil left the room to find him something to wear, his heart beating so hard it started to hurt.   
  
When Phil opened his eyes the next day he could hear Dan in the kitchen boiling the kettle, humming to himself as if hang overs didn’t even exist in his world. They had coffee together and Phil gave Dan his pain killers and watched him take them, like he was scared to turn around and then turn back to find Dan had swallowed every single one.  
  
“What did you even take?” Phil asked once they were curled up on the [sofa](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) and Dan’s head was on his chest.   
  
“I honestly can’t remember but I won’t do it again, and I’m sorry for ruining your night.”  
  
“I wasn’t doing anything. My night would have a hell of a lot worse if I turned on [the news](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) and saw ‘dead student found in gutter near a Manchester night club’.”  
  
“Morbid,” Dan said with raised eyebrows.  
  
“Do you want to drop out of uni, Dan? Because you have to seriously sit down and think about what’s going to make you happy.”  
  
Dan didn’t turn around. Phil heard him sigh as he kept his eyes on the television and moved his hand to grip Phil’s t shirt. “I don’t really know what makes me happy,” Dan said finally. Phil focused on Dan’s fingers on his t shirt and the weight of him pressed against his body, and he knew exactly what made him happy but that was so selfish right now when Dan was going through so much, what did it matter that Phil wanted to move his head a little and press his lips to Dan? That wasn’t what Dan needed when he was hurting and feeling sick and coming down from whatever shit he put inside his body last night.   
  
Phil didn’t say a word because what he had to say wasn’t important, Dan had to figure this out on his own.  
  
It reminded Phil of when Dan had said over [Skype](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) that he wasn’t sure he could keep meeting Phil any more. “I can’t do it,” he had muttered.  
  
“Why not? Did I do something to upset you?”  
  
“I’m – it feels horrible when you leave. I don’t know, this sounds stupid. I always feel even more lonely when you go, like you’re too far away. I can’t do this thing where we have keep saying good bye.”  
  
Phil blinked, his eyebrows raised as he stared at Dan. “I know what you mean,” he said quietly. It wasn’t I love you, they’d already said that plenty of times, it was more than that and it was the [confirmation](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) then, in that moment, that Dan felt everything Phil was feeling. Phil really wasn’t as alone in that feeling as he thought he was.   
  
“We’ll get an apartment together one day. We’ll wake up and the first thing we’ll see is each other, every single day and the only time we’ll ever say goodbye is if one of us is going to the shop for milk. You’ll get sick to death of me, I promise you that.”  
  
“I can’t wait.”  
  
Phil never stuck with the same friendship group for long. He had school friends, work friends, college and uni friends, friends he met on his masters course, friends he made while staying on the Isle of Man as a kid that he still has on facebook, various [internet](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) friends collected from a lot of different social media websites. And he never thought he’d have the tolerance to be with one person for a long time. It’s been two years now since he moved in with Dan, and they’re still not sick of each other.

**

Phil doesn’t want to be in love. He doesn’t want to give himself up like that, spend every second wondering what Dan’s doing and if he feels the same, listening to songs that make his chest tight because every single fucking word seems to be what he’s feeling and can’t articulate himself.

The t shirt Dan stole from Phil years ago is too tight on him now, he’s grown up and out of it and into someone new and sometimes Phil just can’t drag his eyes away from this young man, who at twenty two is nowhere close to the mess of a person Phil was at that age. Dan has everything so seemingly put together already. Sometimes Phil still sees that kid with red bitten lips and over styled hair, who had several edited videos saved to his [laptop](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) and couldn’t find the confidence to upload a single thing, scared people would hate him, scared that even Phil would laugh at him.

“How many have you got now, tell me what they’re about?” Phil asked over [Skype](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#).   
  
Dan rolled his eyes. “They’re all shit, I’m not telling you. It’s embarrassing.”  
  
“I will hijack your [laptop](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) while you sleep and upload one.”  
  
“That would be a real bitch move. I’d probably never talk to you again.”  
  
Phil pouted. “Okay, I don’t want that.”  
  
Phil didn’t hijack Dan’s [laptop](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#), but it was over a [Skype](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) call that Dan actually did the uploading and Phil talked him through it and wouldn’t let him change his mind. He can remember telling him “honestly, don’t get so worked up. You’re gorgeous and funny, and it’s not a big deal.” He also remembers Dan’s grin the next day on Skype, the way he’d been all bouncy and talking fast and “look at all the subscribers I have already, what is happening?”  
  
Dan never really understood why people liked him or wanted to watch him at first. Phil spent nights awake with Dan trying to convince him of how wonderful he was, and getting frustrated with Dan’s constant dismissals. Now Dan has this confidence in himself that Phil likes to think he’s partly responsible for, although he knows it’s really all down to Dan.   
  
**

When Phil hit one million subscribers he was watching the second season of Buffy in his glasses and superman pyjamas, with a cup of coffee in his hand. Dan had ran into the living room shouting about it, and Phil had almost spilt the boiling liquid all over himself. He stared up at Dan’s huge grin.   
  
“One million subs Phil, why are you watching fucking Buffy? Get your ass online.”  
  
Phil took Dan’s [laptop](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) from him, because his was in his room, and as Dan sat down next to him on the [sofa](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) he stared at the huge number on his subscriber count. “I didn’t think I’d ever do that, one million. Shit, that’s a lot of people,” Phil muttered, tweeting a thank you. “I thought it would stop on nine hundred and ninety nine thousand and something, and just stay there forever.”  
  
“You’re an idiot. If I can do it, you can.” Dan looked at the number and then grinned up at Phil, looking like he was even happier about it than Phil was.   
  
“Oh, I always knew _you’d_ do it.” Phil smiled at Dan. “I never doubted that for a second.”  
  
Phil was lying in that same [position](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) a few weeks later, refreshing Dan’s youtube page every few seconds and watching the numbers going up. He glanced up at Dan, who was staring straight ahead of him and chewing the inside of his lip.   
  
“Hey, you’ve done it,” Phil said quietly.   
  
Dan looked up at him with wide eyes. “Oh shit, seriously?”  
  
Phil passed his laptop to Dan, who placed it in his lap and stared at the number for a moment.  
  
“Two million people, that’s mental,” Phil said. He moved to close the space between them. Dan was biting his lip again and Phil felt their elbows touch, watching as Dan jolted away from him like he’d been stung.   
  
“Sorry,” Phil whispered.  
  
Dan turned to look at Phil, his eyes moving over Phil’s face, and Phil tried to avoid getting transfixed on the red of his lips. Then Dan placed the laptop down in front of them. He moved to lean towards Phil until their lips were almost touching and Phil could feel Dan’s stuttering breath on his skin. Phil wasn’t sure if Dan was waiting for him to make the first move, but he was frozen still so finally Dan closed his eyes and tilted his head, pressing his lips softly to Phil’s. Phil brought his hand up to cup Dan’s jaw, his thumb moving over the dimple on his cheek as he felt Dan’s fingers drag down over his back and then slide under his t shirt. Dan’s lips were just as soft as Phil always knew they’d be, and he pressed against his mouth as Dan licked over his tongue and pulled Phil in closer.   
  
Phil wanted to get his hands on Dan, drag his nails over his back and pull him down on top of him, but everything still felt hesitant. Dan’s fingers on Phil’s skin were so light they were barely there at all, and Phil tried to chase his lips when he pulled away, all too soon. Phil watched as Dan wiped his mouth with his hand and stared down at the floor.   
  
“That was – I probably shouldn’t have done that, sorry. I was trying to say thank you,” he muttered, getting to his feet and walking out of [the room](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) before Phil could find anything coherent to stay that might have convinced him to stay. Phil just stared after him with his mouth open like a total idiot.   
  
**

The first time Phil was just a little curious to see what Dan’s reaction would be. He was kind of hard and planning on getting off any way, and for some reason calling Dan to help didn’t even seem weird at the time.   
  
Dan answered with a relieved sigh. “Thank god, I was about to pull out my eye balls because of this essay.”  
  
“Are you busy?” Phil asked.   
  
“Nope. Not anymore.”   
  
Phil heard a clatter and then the springs of Dan’s awful university dorm bed creaking as he sat down. Phil had only seen Dan’s dorm room once, because he wasn’t really meant to be on [campus](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) without ID and Phil’ apartment was just nicer. Dan’s room was barely big enough for the two of them to stand in and Phil remembers Dan little giggle after saying _this is my bed, my desk and my chair, and my wardrobe. That’s it. That’s why I spend every day at your place._  
  
“”Why aren’t you here tonight?” Phil asked.   
  
“I have an essay – I have two thousand words left to write.”  
  
“Is this a welcome break, or have you not even started it yet?”  
  
“I’ve done a bit of research.”  
  
Phil could tell Dan was lying just by the way he said it, but he didn’t want to push. He wasn’t calling to persuade Dan to [write an essay](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#). “What are you wearing?” Phil winced a little straight after saying it, colour rising to his cheeks as he heard Dan laughing.  
  
“Um – your t shirt and your boxers, and this makes me sound like a freak. My own trackies though.”  
  
“Hold on, why do you have my boxers?”  
  
“Are you trying to have phone sex with me Phil?” Dan asked, and Phil could hear the smile in his  stupid, over confident voice. Phil was a bit annoyed that he was changing the subject but he figured he’d go back to finding out about the boxers another time.   
  
“Um. Maybe.”   
  
“Are you wanking to the sound of my voice?”  
  
Phil let out a shocked laugh. “Not yet.”  
  
“ _Yet_? Right. I don’t honestly know how to do this so you’re going to have to take the lead.”  
  
“I’m not exactly a phone sex expert or anything. I’m just really bloody horny and you’re hot, and your voice is hot and I want to hear you say sexy things to me.”  
  
“You think I’m hot?”  
  
“Of course I do. You’re gorgeous.” Phil could feel his face heating up as Dan went quiet on the other end of the [line](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#). Then he heard Dan let out a breath.   
  
“Should I get naked-er?”  
  
“Is this weird?” Phil asked.   
  
“It probably should be, but I’m horny too so seriously I don’t give a fuck. If this causes some kind of crisis tomorrow then we’ll talk about it then.”  
  
Phil heard him fumbling for a [moment](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) and he began to feel himself relax. Then Dan let out a long sigh, the sound causing Phil to bite down hard on his lip as his head filled with images of what Dan was doing. “Are you –” he started.  
  
“Yeah,” Dan breathed.  
  
” _Shit_. I really want to [touch](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) you. How naked are you?” Phil pushed his pyjama bottoms down past his thighs and kicked them off, getting his hand wrapped around himself and listening to Dan’s heavy breathing.  
  
Dan huffed out a laugh at Phil’s question. “I’m just wearing your babycakes t shirt.”  
  
"I’m gonna want that back one day."  
  
"But it looks so good on me."  
  
"I [bet](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) it does. I - don’t think I’m going to be able to stop thinking about you getting off while wearing my clothes. God, I’m just thinking about you coming undone. I bet you look so good when you come."  
  
“Jesus Christ, Phil. Do you like – prefer to do the fucking or?”  
  
Phil swallowed. “I don’t mind. I’m like, usually on top but –”  
  
“Okay good, no that’s – I haven’t had sex with a guy before but I’m pretty sure, I mean I like - I’m stumbling over my words so badly, fuck. You’re making me nervous.”  
  
“Sorry,” Phil smiled. He thought about Dan, his face a little flushed and his dimple deep on his cheek as he smiled and the image was so cute that Phil almost forgot he was trying to have phone sex with his best [friend](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#). “I – um, are you trying to say you’d like me to fuck you?”  
  
“I think I’d like that a lot. I sometimes – I think about you one day losing all that composure you have and that butter wouldn’t melt innocence you try and [project](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#), and just I don’t know, backing me against a wall and fucking me really hard.”  
  
“Yeah?”  
  
“Being really filthy about it and swearing a lot and holding your hand over my mouth so I stay quiet.”  
  
“You think about that a lot?”  
  
“Pretty much whenever I’m having a wank.”  
  
“Woah.”  
  
“I think you’re probably into some really kinky shit, I’d love a chance to go through your [internet](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) history, see what kind of porn gets you off.”  
  
“You want me to fuck you roughly against a wall with my hand over your mouth, and I’m the kinky one?” Phil closed his eyes, squeezing his fist a little tighter and dragging his hand slowly over himself. “Have you ever used your fingers on yourself?” Phil tried to keep his voice steady, listening to Dan’s heavy breathing.  
  
“Yeah. That’s why I think I’d like it if you fucked me – could I use my fingers now?”  
  
“Are you asking for my permission?”  
  
“Yeah I am. Can I?”  
  
Phil moved his hand a little faster on himself, his breath hitching as he ran his thumb over the head of his cock. “Do you like it when people tell what to do Dan?”  
  
“I like it when you tell me what to do.”  
  
“Okay, _fuck_.”  
  
“I’m not used to hearing you swear this much, it’s kind of hot.”  
  
Phil heard the sound of the lid of Dan’s lube being uncapped, and he pictured Dan getting it out on his hand and bending his knees to reach and press his fingers against himself.   
  
“Fuck yourself on your fingers for me.” Phil said quietly. He had no idea what he was even saying, adrenaline pumping through him and making it hard to think straight.  
   
Dan took a deep breath and then let out a breathless, nervous sounding laugh. “It’s not like it will be the first time I’ve done this and thought about you, this is just a little more intense.”  
  
That time Phil had no reply. His voice just felt like it had dried up and he opened his mouth a few times, trying to untangle the words in his head. Then Dan let out this breathy, low moan, and Phil felt a flush of arousal push through his veins, making him arch off of the bed. He shuddered, suddenly all too aware of the heat in [the room](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) making beads of sweat form on his forehead.   
  
“I’m – um – going to put you on speaker phone because I need two hands.” Dan laughed again, like he couldn’t quite believe what was happening.   
  
Phil thought about Dan being with him, Dan who always made out that he was so in control of everything even though Phil had seen him at his most vulnerable, Dan who would actually lie back and let Phil do whatever he wanted to him, do whatever Phil told him to do.   
  
“Oh god, okay, I want you here right now,” Phil moaned.   
  
When Dan didn’t immediately answer, Phil wondered if he was thinking about the fact they were literally fifteen minutes from each other and they probably _could_ be together if Phil just asked.   
  
“If I was there would you fuck me if I asked you to? Get me laid out on my back underneath you and – ” Dan stopped to gasp out a breath.   
  
“I wouldn’t straight away, I’d wait until you were desperate and then I’d get my hands and my mouth on every inch of you first.”  
  
“So you’re a tease?”  
  
“Yeah.” Phil smiled.   
  
Dan let out a shaky breath that caused the [phone line](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) to crackle. “I’m imagining my fingers are yours right now, can you keep talking?”  
  
Phil fucked into his palm as Dan panted out breaths. “Think about me there with you, my hands on you. It’s my hand on your cock right now,” Phil breathed.   
  
Dan groaned. “I’m really close” he muttered.   
  
"How many fingers are you using?"  
  
“Two.”  
  
“Add another and it’s – it’s me right? I’m using [three](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) of my fingers and I’m getting you stretched before I fuck you.” Phil raised his eyebrows at himself, staring up at his ceiling with wide eyes as he listened to Dan’s breathing getting heavier and faster.   
  
Phil shifted, getting a better grip on himself and sliding his hand up and down, a smile lifting his lips when he heard Dan’s breath stuttering. He could feel his heart [racing](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#), closing his eyes as he jerked himself faster and listened to Dan’s breathless little moan, Phil’s name falling from in his lips as he came. Phil gasped at the sound and shuddered as his own orgasm washed over him.   
  
“I want you to come on my face,” Dan muttered, still trying to catch his breath. Phil was still coming down, panting out breaths but he moaned again at Dan’s words. He thought about Dan lying out on his bed, all flushed and shaking, still moving his hand over himself as he came down. Phil’s throat felt too dry as he tried to find something to say and he heard Dan let out another little laugh.   
  
“I’m not actually that bad at this, I’m re-thinking my career choices. Might apply to be a phone sex operator.” Dan said.   
  
“You’re so cocky.”  
  
“Pun intended?”  
  
“Oh god, shut up.” Phil rolled his eyes and moved to sit up and grab some tissues from his bedside table to wipe off his hand. “You make really sexy noises when you come.” Phil felt himself blushing a little, now they were both coming off their high it all felt so much more real. Dan just laughed again though.   
  
They were both quiet again and then Dan let out this little whimpering sound that made Phil’s fingers grip a little tighter at his sheets.   
  
“You’re going to get me hard again if you keep making that sound,” Phil muttered. He let out a deep breath, focusing his attention on Dan’s breathing, a stupid, lazy smile on his face as he thought about properly getting his hands on Dan’s warm [skin](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) and feeling him shaking underneath him.   
  
“My fingers are still inside, it feels really good.”  
  
Phil felt a jolt go through his body. “Are you serious right now?”  
  
Dan just moaned in reply.  
  
“Oh my god.” Phil moved his hair from his face, tightening his fingers and tugging a little as he tried to find something to say. “You want me to come on your face?” he whispered.  
  
“Yeah, on my lips.”  
  
 _Fuck fuck fuck._ Phil swallowed and nodded his head, trying to stop thinking about Dan on his knees. “I want you to get on your knees and suck me off, and I’m going to have my hand on [the back](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) of your head holding you in place.”  
  
“ _Please_.”  
  
“Bend your fingers a little, let me know when you - “  
  
“Fuck,” Dan gasped, stopping Phil mid-sentence. “Got it,” Dan said with a laugh. Phil couldn’t even believe Dan was still giggling through this like the whole thing was something to make a joke out of.   
  
“Keep touching there. Jesus Christ I [bet](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) you look incredible right now. I’m not going to be able to stop thinking about you.”  
  
“It’s really hot in my room, I’m sweating and I think my neighbours probably know how much I want to suck your dick because these walls are like fucking paper. Can I [touch](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) myself?”  
  
“No. I want to see if you can come just by using your fingers. I can tell how turned on you are, like – I’ve been eighteen [years old](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) and I know you can come again without touching your cock.”  
  
Dan made another little noise in his throat and Phil smiled to himself. “[Move](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) your hand a little faster, but keep at that angle. I want to run my lips over your collar bone and bite into your skin, leave marks over your chest that you’ll have for days.”  
  
“Oh god,” Dan choked out.  
  
“I want to hold you down, the [heel](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) of my hand pressing between your shoulder blades as I push my hips forward – ”  
  
When Dan came again, Phil heard a clatter as he dropped his phone to the floor. Dan let out a high pitched moan and Phil closed his eyes, picturing Dan’s fingers moving [quickly](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#), pressing hard against his prostate as he carried on fucking himself through his orgasm, his back arching off of the bed.   
  
After a pause, Phil heard Dan picking up his phone and placing it next to him again. “Bloody hell, Phil. I wasn’t expecting that.”  
  
“Did I go too far?”  
  
“Fuck no. I’m just surprised.”  
  
“Oh right.” Phil closed his eyes, feeling suddenly exhausted as he listened to Dan sigh. “it was good though yeah?”  
  
"I don’t think I’ve ever come that hard before, so yeah. Fucking ruined your t shirt though."  
  
"You can keep it then."  
  
Dan went quiet again and Phil began to wonder if the whole thing should have felt a lot more awkward. He listened to Dan’s shaky breaths and smiled again because he felt tired and blissed out and he’d worry about everything else tomorrow.   
  
“See you tomorrow then?” Dan asked finally, his voice kind of rough and sleepy sounding.   
  
“Yeah, yeah. Cool, looking [forward](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) to it.”  
  
“We’re good right? Still mates and stuff, this hasn’t made anything weird?”  
  
“Yeah, of course we are. Nothings weird. Good night, Dan. Sleep well.”  
  
“Night, Phil, you kinky bitch.”  
  
Phil rolled his eyes and hung up the phone, reaching out to drop it onto the floor and rolling onto his side with a little smile on his lips.    
  
**  
  
Phil thinks it’s terribly sad how quickly something can change between two people, how the smallest little spark can start something beautiful but also change things forever and sometimes the most amazing relationships can just fizzle out into nothing, kind of suddenly and without warning. He never really feared it would happen with him and Dan, they weren’t really typical and Phil still thinks the way that they’ve impacted each other’s lives makes them permanent features in each other’s future, basically [family members](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#), although that’s kind of weird considering all the phone sex.  
  
They carried on. They called each other a lot while Dan was at university, before he moved in with Phil. A lot of the time Dan was with him anyway, wondering around his apartment in boxers and a t shirt and helping himself to food in the fridge and Phil’s [electricity bill](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#), but then he would go back to his university dorm and Phil’s phone would buzz and it soon dawned on Phil that he hadn’t had actual sex in almost a year, and he didn’t want to. Because every person he saw while out, he compared to Dan and knew they weren’t on par, and every time someone online expressed interest he’d make an excuse and tap out a dirty text to his best friend, because he knew who he wanted. He knew exactly what he was looking for, and he already had him, just not enough of him.   
   
Then Dan moved in with Phil and it stopped, and somehow nothing changed, nothing got weird, nothing replaced it in their relationship, it didn’t turn into something new. They just stopped calling each other.   
  
Phil figured everything was fine.   
  
But then Dan kissed him and that’s when things really began to unravel.

**

"I dreamt about you last night," Dan says. Phil holds his phone a little away from his ear and he can hear Dan in [the room](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) next to his, feet padding on the floor.  
  
"What kind of dream?"  
  
"The kind that made me wake up very hot and flustered. The kind of dream where I was riding your cock on the Vidcon stage after everyone left. Not a big deal."  
  
Phil reaches down to press the [heel](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) of his hand over himself under his jeans. “That’s - okay, that’s really hot.”  
  
Dan hums in agreement and Phil hates how nonchalant he always is about this. Sometimes he seriously wants to wreck all that, to really make Dan fall apart, make him beg.  
  
"I haven’t got off yet, but fuck am I hard."  
  
When Phil had seen Dan calling he’d expected to be asked to go and get milk or make him coffee or something ridiculous because Dan can be a lazy sod sometimes and he treats Phil like his own personal maid, Phil usually does everything he’s asked to do but that isn’t the point. They haven’t done this since they started living together, they definitely haven’t done it when there’s just a wall between them and it feels a hell of a lot more serious when they’re this close.  
  
"Phil? If this is too weird I’ll hang up and we won’t mention it again, but I - I really need to get off. I’m bloody horny and you’re voice is hot, [you know](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) how it is."

Phil rolls his eyes at Dan repeating his own words from their first call. “Riding me on the Vidcon stage? That’s risky. I didn’t know you were into that.”  
  
"Yeah. Actually, I’d like to suck you off at work, just before we go on air. Get you backed up against the wall in a toilet cubicle and then go back out and have to act all professional."  
  
Phil laughs. “Let’s be real here, you wouldn’t want to ruin your [jeans](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) on a dirty bathroom floor, even if it did mean finally getting your mouth on my cock.”  
  
"That’s a fair point. I might make an exception. Or maybe I’ll just take my jeans off."  
  
"You’re pretty desperate for it then?"  
  
"Shut up. Yeah maybe a bit. I’d be good at it, I think. I could make it really, really good for you."  
  
Phil sighs and gets his button and fly undone, getting his hand in his boxers. He can hear Dan’s breath shaking already and wonders how long he’s been awake and waiting to hear Phil moving so he can call. He licks over his lips and moves his head to stare at the wall, knowing Dan’s on the other side with his hand on himself.  
  
"I want you to suck me off. I don’t think I can even look at your lips without thinking about anything else, I [bet](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) you would be good at it. Your mouth was made for blow jobs, Dan."  
  
Phil grips himself a little tighter when Dan lets out this little breathy moan.  
  
"I really want to. I want you to be rough with me though, like just really don’t hold back."  
  
"Fuck your throat?" The blood is pounding in Phil’s ears but he hears Dan’s low groan. "Hmm, you still make really great noises," Phil mutters.   
  
"And come on my face."  
  
"Seriously, it’s been like four years and you still want me to come on your face? Because that isn’t practical if we’re about to go back out to work."  
  
"I don’t care."  
  
"No? What if I fucked you before the [radio](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) show, Dan? And you had to go on air in front of thousand of people, messing every thing up because you can’t concentrate on anything apart from me inside you."  
  
Dan gasps. “I’m going to come,” he breathes. Phil squeezes his eyes shut and drops his phone to fist his hand in his hair. He can hear Dan moaning through the wall and when he hears his own name he bucks up into his hand and comes into over his fist and his t shirt, biting into his lip and shaking with it. It takes him a moment to feel like he isn’t floating, and when he glances at his phone he sees that Dan’s still on the [line](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#).   
  
He presses it to his ear. “Um - “  
  
"We shouldn’t have stopped doing that, like ever. I swear talking to you gives me the best orgasms," Dan says.   
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yeah, mainly because you don’t talk like this a lot. I mean, I like it when you talk dirty. It turns me on because it’s not something I expect from you. I imagine you’re pretty unpredictable in bed too."  
  
"Wouldn’t you like to know."  
  
"Maybe one day as a ‘why not yolo’ kind of thing. I think if neither of us get laid in [the next](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) year we’re probably going to end up any way because like - blue balls and shit."  
  
"Who says I’m not getting laid."  
  
"The only time you leave the house is with me, and the last guy you hooked up with was last September. We live together, it’s not like you can sneak people in your room without me noticing."  
  
"I could get laid though. I mean, if I wanted to. I have a lot of people who would probably be up for that - with me."  
  
"How about if it gets to September again and neither of us have fucked any one else, we fuck each other?"   
  
Phil keeps his eyes on the ceiling, chewing on his bottom lip. He thinks about Dan’s lips on his and about finally getting Dan underneath him and he takes a breath. “Yeah? All right then.”  
  
"Awesome, it’s a deal. Do you want a coffee? I’m making some now."  
  
Phil lets out a long breath. “Yeah, thanks.”  
  
It’s probably a stupid idea, but Phil’s pretty damn sure he can sleep with someone before the end of August and he thinks that even if he can’t, there’s no reason why he’d have to have sex with Dan, it’s not like they can’t just laugh it off and [move](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) on.   
  
The big [problem](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) here is that Phil does want to have sex with Dan and it’s becoming apparent that Dan wants the same.  
  


**

Phil definitely can’t blame Dan for what happens at Vidcon because it’s Phil’s idea, and he can’t blame alcohol really because although Dan’s been drinking margaritas and doing tequila shots since six in the evening, he still seems relatively sober somehow. Phil wants to blame Dan’s leather shirt but that’s ridiculous. All he really knows is that one minute Dan is swaying to the music with his eyes moving up and down Phil’s body, and [the next](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) minute Phil has his fingers curled in his shirt, dragging him away from the party in front of hundreds of people who know who they are. He slams him up against the wall of a toilet cubicle and Dan has this hungry look in his eyes, pupils totally blown out.  
  
“Take that stupid shirt off,” Phil hisses, reaching to lock them inside the cubicle. He honestly has so many things he wants to say, but that’s all that comes out because all he can think when he looks at Dan is how much he hates his t shirt, not for any other reason than it looks really, _really_ fucking good on him. After nearly two years of living together and pretending there’s no sexual attraction between them at all, he wants to tear it in half with his bare hands for ruining that.  
   
Dan shivers “What are you going to do to me if I don’t?” He bites on his lip, raising his eyebrows. Phil can smell tequila and lime on his breath, and it’s intoxicating.   
  
“Rip it off myself.”  
  
“I’d quite like to see you try.” Dan smirks. “Has something got you all hot and bothered, Phil? Scared I might [win](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) this deal we got going on?”  
  
"Screw the deal."  
  
"Screw _me_.”  
  
“Suck me off,” Phil mutters.   
  
“Wait - what?”  
  
“I want you to get on your knees right now and suck me off, don’t act like you haven’t been begging me to let you for years,” Phil keeps his eyes locked with Dan’s, watching as Dan opens his mouth as if he’s about to argue, but then he just slowly drops to his knees in [front](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) of Phil  
  
“You really do get off on people telling you what to do, don’t you?” Phil asks. He starts unbuckling his belt and unzipping his fly. Dan licks over his lips and nods his head. Phil reaches to cup Dan’s jaw, his thumb moving over his cheek and then dragging over his bottom lip.  
  
It dawns on him that this all a bit risky and stupid and dirty, but then Dan smirks, looking up at him through his lashes. “You’re already hard, you must really fucking hate the leather,” he whispers.   
  
Phil pushes his jeans and boxers, letting them fall at his ankles and Dan reaches to wrap his fingers around Phil’s cock, giving him a long stroke. Phil keeps watching as Dan looks at him unabashedly, and it starts to feel almost uncomfortable, like Dan’s sizing him up. Phil wants to crack some kind of joke to break the tension but then Dan closes his mouth around him and his eyes slip shut.   
  
Phil’s head falls back against the wall and he reaches to tangle is hand in Dan’s hair, his other just gripping at mid air, trying to find something to hold onto to keep his balance. Dan braces himself against Phil’s hip as he sinks down deeper, [working](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) on opening his throat and Phil can feel it clenching and fluttering around the head of his cock. He can hardly breathe, staring down at Dan and seeing his red lips stretched around him and the concentration on his face. Phil remembers all the times he used to make little jibes at Dan over the phone for having lips that were made to be wrapped around a cock.  
  
“You can [touch](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) yourself - if you like,” Phil manages to choke out. Dan’s hand is on his jeans almost immediately. He starts moving his head up and down again, deeper each time and Phil moans when he feels his orgasm building, pressing his lips together to try and keep quiet. He feels faint as he watches Dan pressing his thumb to the head of his cock, already wet with pre cum. He’s so hard from just sucking Phil’s cock. Phil shudders and Dan pulls back to take a mouthful of air, his lips all wet and swollen.  
  
"God, you’re good at this," Phil mutters.  
  
"You always said I would be. My mouth was made for it, yeah?" Dan’s voice is all hoarse and Phil thinks he might just come from that, teamed with the way Dan’s talking to him while he still works his hand over himself. Dan smiles and takes Phil again, guiding him into his mouth and Phil watches him fucking into his palm and coming over his closed fist and his leather t shirt, groaning around him.    
  
“Jesus Christ,” Phil breathes His hand tightens in Dan’s hair and he lifts him away again, tugging roughly as he gets his own hand on himself and starts to jerk himself off. Dan’s still making these amazing little noises, shaking with the after shocks of his orgasm, and Phil doesn’t even care if someone walks in, his ears are just full of white noise. He doubts either of them would notice someone knocking at the door and [calling](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) their names at this point.   
  
Phil gasps and bites into his lip as he comes, watching it land on Dan’s face, on his chin and his cheeks, and his lips. Dan licks out at what he can and then Phil slumps back against the door, his head spinning.   
  
“You taste really good,” Dan says.  
  
Phil pulls on his boxers and then tugs his jeans back on and zips them [back up](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) before he risks glancing down at Dan, who is sprawled across the floor now, sitting back on his ass with his back against the opposite wall, tucking himself back into his jeans and doing up his fly.  
  
“Shit,” Phil whispers.   
  
"What?" Dan looks up, his eyes a little unfocused.   
  
"I don’t know - I just that was stupid, but you look really hot and I should care about how stupid that was more than I do."  
  
"It wasn’t _that_ stupid. I liked it.”  
  
Phil grabs some [toilet roll](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) and drops down to crouch in front of Dan and try and clean off his face and his t shirt. Dan just leans forward and Phil knows Dan’s going in for a kiss, so he leans away and gets to his feet. He tries not to notice the way Dan’s smile falls.   
  
“Come on, let’s go back to our room. Have a shower or something, I don’t know. You’re a mess. I think I got come in your hair,” Phil says.   
  
Dan smiles then, reaching to run a hand through his hair and pull a face. “I hope you didn’t. I heard that’s a bitch to get out.”  
  
Phil holds out his hand for Dan and then leads him out into the crowded hall, past people who Phil knows are glancing over at him and looking down at his fingers locked with Dan’s. They have a weird relationship, he’s pretty sure most people he’s friends with don’t even know if they’re allowed to joke about whatever they are in [case](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) they accidentally out them or say something that could offend, so Phil’s pretty confident no one will mention it, and he ‘s far too gone to care when he feels Dan’s fingers squeezing his.   
  
Dan takes the shirt off as soon as they’re back to [the room](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#), dropping it in the corner of the room and pretty much swan diving onto his bed.   
  
"Thought you were going to shower?" Phil says.  
  
"Nah, too tired. Just wanna sleep."  
  
Phil climbs into Dan’s bed with him and Dan wraps his arm around Phil’s waist and nuzzles into his neck. Phil feels like he’s twenty two again and Dan’s staying at his house in his bed and Phil wants to stay. He wants to wake up to this.   
  
“Remember when it was snowing and you held my hand, and all the stars were out and you didn’t know any of the constellations,” Dan’s voice is muffled, so Phil has to concentrate to hear what he’s saying.   
  
“Yeah. That was a good [night](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#).”  
  
“That was the first time I felt like I had something to give to you, because you gave me so much and all I knew was that the one directly above our head was Hercules and then we sang songs from the film, remember?”  
  
Phil feels sick and kind of suffocated, Dan’s arm too heavy on his waist and his breath too hot on his neck. Dan looks up at him, all wide eyes and his lips are still swollen. Phil just stares back at him. “Yeah, Dan, I remember it. You’ve - given me more than you think you have.”  
  
“I want to build a blanket fort like we did in Manchester, when we spent that day watching Studio Ghibli films because I couldn’t [stop](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) crying when I got my results back. And you dropped everything you were doing to make that fort and – ”  
  
“Dan, seriously. Go to sleep.”  
  
“I love you.”  
  
“I love you too.”  
  
Dan reaches to grab hold of Phil’s hand and tangle their fingers. “Don’t leave me, yeah?” Dan whispers. He yawns and nuzzles back into Phil’s neck and Phil’s surprised he can’t tell how tense Phil has suddenly got. Phil feels so tightly strung out that his breath is caught in his throat somewhere and when he looks down at their hands he can see his own shaking.   
  
There’s a steady beat in his head _I can’t do this I can’t do this I can’t do this_. And they’ve been idiots and almost destroyed everything just because they wanted to get off. What they have is so [much more](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) important than that and he can’t lose it.   
  
When Dan wakes up [the next](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) day Phil is in his own bed and it seems like Dan just accepts that and moves on, because he doesn’t mention it to Phil, he doesn’t call Phil, he doesn’t flirt with Phil.   
  
It’s not like they exactly get the chance to either because after Vidcon they have the radio show to [plan](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) and then Cat comes to stay and then they go to Summer in the city and if Phil even had an opportunity to catch his breath he’d take it. He remembers a few days of them both just wandering around the apartment, still half asleep and jet lagged, the builders downstairs making Phil’s head throb. He imagines that before all this happened he could have snuck under Dan’s covers where the noise isn’t quite so loud, but instead he hauled himself up into the office with his [mattress](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) and duvet, and fell asleep listening to Dan playing the piano.  
  
Phil can sometimes tell Dan’s mood by what he’s playing on the piano, which he thinks might sound really weird to people outside of their relationship. He hears something melancholy and knows he probably won’t see Dan until late afternoon, and when he does it’s best to [avoid](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) telling Dan about any of his responsibilities, because one time he smashed a mug on the floor after Phil suggested they start radio show planning. Phil always thought he was the one with the short temper.  
  
He might hear something that Dan used to play on his keyboard in Manchester, maybe a song from Final Fantasy that makes something tug in Phil’s chest, and on those days he knows that Dan has woken up thinking about him and Phil, and videos in their bedrooms and drinking wine on their balcony.   
  
When Dan’s been playing the same song every single day and suddenly Phil hears the whole thing [finished](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) and perfect, because Dan can learn by ear now and in the last year he has become quite amazing at it, he knows that Dan will be in a happy mood. He’ll probably make Phil a coffee and suggest they watch a film while they plan the radio show, and then Phil will never hear that song again. Dan’s perfected it and there’s no need to carry on with it, so he boxes it up and there’s new keys being played and new broken rhythms as he tries to figure out a new song.  
  
Dan does that, once something’s finished he leaves it alone, once a decision has been made, even if it’s not actually out loud, he brushes it off and he moves on because life’s too short to dwell on the things that might have been.   
  
**

They have this youtube gathering on a boat after summer in the city, after their radio show as well, so neither of them have anything to worry about and there are loads of youtubers Phil hasn’t seen in ages, people he used to chat with on dailybooth and twitter before youtube became what it is today, back when a gathering was a few people sitting in a field.  
   
Phil’s good at being social, he feels comfortable when he’s around a lot of people, which he knows is one of his and Dan’s major differences. He keeps drinking, clicking his glass against other peoples, shaking hands, hugging, taking photos, and the whole time he’s finding Dan over the crowd of people, making sure he’s not on his own.  
  
He’s with Adam when his phone buzzes and he sees Dan’s name on the screen. “I’ve gotta take this, it’s just – Dan, I haven’t seen him for a bit.” Phil realises immediately how stupid that sounds. _We live together, we work together, we panic when we don’t see each other for a few seconds._  
  
Adam raises his eyebrows. “Yeah, I guess you better then.”  
  
“Don’t leave the party. I really wanna catch up,” Phil says. He answers Dan’s call and walks over to the side of the boat, feeling the wind in his hair and looking out where he can see the lights and buildings back in London, the tip if the London eye.   
  
“Making me jealous?” Dan says quietly.

"What do you mean?”  
  
“I mean, I know you slept with him last September, when he was staying with us, and you’re flirting with him right in my eyeline.”  
  
“I – I wasn’t flirting.” Phil looks around to see if he can see Dan, scanning the crowd and not finding him. “Where are you”?  
  
“You kept touching his arm and whispering and giggling, wow Philip if that wasn’t flirting then you need to show me how you flirt because I wanna see that.”  
  
Phil licks over his lips, and looks down at the floor. “I wasn’t trying to make you jealous, sorry.”  
  
"Are you going home with him tonight?"  
  
Phil sighs. He hasn’t seen Adam in such a long time, not properly, and it was one of those arrangements that just stopped once Adam moved home. There was never more than friendly platonic feelings there. They had a lot of fun. Phil didn’t even realise Dan knew about it until he mentioned it a few weeks ago.   
  
"No, Dan. That isn’t the plan. Listen, are you still on the boat? I can’t see you."  
  
"It’s not the kind of party you can leave, Phil. I wasn’t desperate enough to swim home." Dan’s tone is laced with sarcasm, and it’s then that Phil meets his eye across the crowd of people dancing. Dan’s leaning back against the railings of the boat, his eyes fixed on Phil.  
  
"Do you want to go somewhere and talk?" Phil asks.   
  
"About what happened in LA?"  
  
"That, yeah. And other things."  
  
Phil sees Dan shake his head. “I sucked you off in a toilet cubicle and we never mentioned it again. What else is there to say?” Dan takes a shaky breath like he’s trying not to cry and Phil hopes to god that he isn’t, because that definitely isn’t something he can handle right now.   
  
“It was rushed and dirty, and I just wanted to get myself off. I was such a twat,” Phil mutters. It wasn’t the memory he wanted of his first time with Dan. It had honestly terrified him how much he couldn’t control this, he wanted to contain it and leave it alone, but everything in him was drawn towards Dan.  
  
"I don’t regret it."  
  
"Can we have this conversation face to face like normal people?"  
  
Dan smiles, raising his eye brows and the shaking his head again. “No.”  
  
"Then we’re not doing this at all. If you can’t talk about this to my face when you aren’t drunk, then I have nothing to say to you over the phone. You know how I feel about you, this kind of sucks and I don’t want to do it any more."  
  
"I want you. I want - I want to have sex with you."  
  
"I want more than that. I don’t want to be something you win at the end of a deal because we’re both so hung up on each other we can’t look at any one else, let alone sleep with them."  
  
Phil takes the phone away from his ear and watches Dan’s face crumple and it really does look like he’s going to cry, so Phil almost lifts the phone again to beg him not to or apologise or something but then Dan hangs up. Phil watches him shove his phone back into his pocket and press his palms to his eyes for a moment before walking down towards the bar, and then Phil loses him in the crowd.   
  
**

Phil can feel the heat from the stage, and the heat from Dan’s body, pressed against his. It’s far too loud to hear a thing but guitars and drums and lyrics he used to listen to back at home with his parents, before he met Dan, back when things felt hopeless. The bass is thumping under his feet, sending chills up his spine and he’s only faintly aware of Dan’s arm leaving his side to move around his waist and pull him a little closer. Phil doesn’t glance up to make sure no one has seen, he just keeps his eyes fixed on the view below him, imagining telling his twenty one year old self about this. He wouldn’t believe it. Dan leans into him and when Phil turns around he sees Dan watching him with his lip caught between his teeth.   
  
Phil mouths ‘What?’ because he knows Dan won’t hear him if he tries to talk.   
  
"Nothing," Dan shouts. He looks back at Green Day, at Billie Joe who is trying to find someone to pick out of the crowd, and then he glances back but Phil stares ahead and pretends not to notice.   
  
“Can you feel your heart beating in your throat?” Phil asks as they’re walking back to their hotel. People are making their way to the camp site. He watches kids who have just received their GSCE results, holding hands and racing each other and Dan looks over at him and smiles.  
  
“Yeah. I’m totally buzzed, it’s made me really horny.”  
  
Phil raises his eyebrows, still looking ahead of them as a smile lifts his lips. Dan keeps looking at Phil, keeps bumping their hips together and brushing their hands.

"Do you wanna? Like, have sex or whatever?" he asks quietly. Phil laughs. He can feel adrenaline creeping all over him making him shake with it.  
  
"That’s a really shit seduction. I’m giving it like two out of ten. I know for a fact you can do better than that."  
  
"It’s different. You’re standing right next to me, I don’t know what to say like this."  
  
"Wanna get your phone out? Call me?" Phil’s half smiling and Dan rolls his eyes at him.  
  
"Shut up. It’s just - I can say a lot of stuff to you on the phone that I can’t say to you properly, [you know](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#)?"  
  
Phil just nods because he gets it, he knows exactly what Dan’s saying. But he wants to know how Dan actually feels. He wants Dan to tell him he feels the same, that he can’t look at anyone else without [comparing](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) them to Phil, that sometimes when Phil’s talking and goes off on one about something, he wants to stop him med-sentence and kiss him because he’s so damn cute when he does that. He wants to know Dan wants something real with him, but Dan just kicks his foot against the ground as they walk and doesn’t look up again.   
  
When they get to their rooms they say good night and Phil closes the door behind him, looking around and trying to get his heart to slow a bit because there’s no way he’s going to sleep when he’s feeling this pumped. He keeps thinking about Dan, and when he listens hard he swears he can hear him in his room. The walls are paper thin like Dan’s [university](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) room. Phil takes a breath and starts towards his bed, pulling his pyjamas from his suitcase. Then there’s a knock on his door.  
  
"We decided to stay friends, right?” Dan says. He’s breathing heavily and it looks like he’s been running his hand repeatably through his hair because it’s all sticking up on end.  
  
“When did we do that?”  
  
“When I got drunk that night and I said it would be easier and you agreed – ”  
  
Phil lets out a laugh. “Are you kidding? You were drunk and high and crying, and I never agreed to anything.”  
  
“We kept making the decision though, like every day after you called when we pretended nothing had happened, and Vidcon, whatever that was. We decided to stay friends. If you wanted more you should have said, I was waiting for you to say.” Dan’s staring at Phil, like he’s waiting right now, his eyes wide and eyebrows raised.  
  
"I didn’t know what I wanted."  
  
“I know what I want. I don’t want to just have sex with you, I mean Jesus Christ I want to have a lot of sex with you, but I want to do things like holding your hand while we watch telly and I want to get a house and a fucking dog with you, have a [future](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) together. I can’t – I don’t want that with anyone else but you.”  
  
Dan stops talking, shaking his head at himself and letting out a laugh. “God, I feel stupid saying that. Fucking hell.”  
  
"What kind of dog?"  
  
Dan laugh again and looks up at the ceiling, rolling his eyes. “ _Fuck off_. Seriously? Don’t even tell me it’s that [easy](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#). Shout at me or something, I’ve been too scared to say that since we met and - I fucking hate you.”  
  
"I love you too."

Dan looks back at Phil and bites on his bottom lip, tapping his foot against the floor. He swallows and wipes [the back](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) of his hand over his eyes. “But we’re best friends and you’re the only best friend I ever had and I’m scared of not being that any more.”

"I get that."  
  
"What if we fuck it all up?"  
  
"I don’t think we will - I think some people are meant to be friends and some are meant to be more, and we’re not meant to be just friends." Phil nods and bites on his lip, waiting for Dan to say something.  
  
"We wasted a fucking lot of time then didn’t we?" he mutters.  
  
Phil grins. “Yeah, we’ll have to [make up](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) for that.” He moves to rest his forehead against Dan’s. “God, I love you so much.” He wants to add more, although he doesn’t know what it is he wants to say. Then Dan tilts his head and presses their lips together.   
  
Phil tries to keep his smile off of his face as he [steps](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) back into his room and tugs Dan inside with him. Dan kicks the door closed behind him with the heel of his foot and Phil moves to run his fingers through Dan’s hair and control the kiss. The back of his legs hit his bed and he sits back, pulling Dan down on top of him so they’re chest to chest. Phil can feel Dan’s fingers grabbing at his t shirt, and he sits up so Dan can pull it over his head and drop it to the ground. Then they move into the centre of the bed.   
  
Phil’s blood is rushing, every nerve ending standing on end and making him shiver as Dan’s fingers run over his skin, soft touches from the same hands Phil’s watched playing piano nearly every evening since they moved into this apartment. Dan ducks his head and Phil stares up at his ceiling as he presses his lips to Phil’s neck, again so lightly it’s almost tentative, like he’s not even sure he can do this. Phil’s breath catches when Dan drags his lips down to his collar and then he lifts his head to look down at Phil again.   
  
Phil moves around and then presses Dan down into the sheets and kisses him, fitting their bodies together and running his own fingers over the waist [line](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) of Dan’s jeans, dipping his thumbs under. Dan makes this little noise in his throat and he deepens the kiss, his tongue tracing Phil’s and the grip Dan has on Phil’s arm is so tight that Phil thinks he’s definitely going to bruise, maybe even break the skin with his nails.    
  
“Dan,” Phil whispers, reaching to try and uncurl Dan’s fist. Dan’s fingers just get tighter though, pulling Phil even closer to him. He pulls away from Phil, gasping for a breath of air.   
  
“That hurts a bit.” Phil smiles against Dan’s jaw, feeling Dan’s grip loosen and his hand to [move](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) to Phil’s hair instead.   
  
Phil takes a breath, smiling again because he can’t help it and he can hear Dan’s heavy breaths, close to his ear. He kisses Dan again and presses closer, and Dan goes lose and pliant under him, his hand on Phil’s neck to keep him in place, to hold him there. His other hand doesn’t seem to know where to [stop](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#), running his fingers over Phil’s arms and his sides and making Phil shiver again.  
  
“Are we actually doing this?” Dan asks.  
  
“If you’re sure?”  
  
Dan nods. “Oh, I’m definitely sure. It just feels a bit like a dream or something. Fuck, that’s really lame. Pretend I didn’t say that, that was stupid.”  
  
Phil smiles and pushes the fabric of Dan’s t shirt up so Dan lifts his arms and lets Phil pull it away. Then Phil runs his finger over the zip of Dan’s fly, watching as Dan’s eyes flutter closed. He’s hard under his jeans, Phil can feel the solid [line](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) of him under the metal of his zipper, and he can’t help but think about nights alone in his apartment on the phone to Dan, telling Dan what to do with his hand and listening to his reactions. Phil presses his palm to the front of Dan’s jeans and he grins when Dan pushes his hips up into his hand.   
  
As Phil gets Dan’s fly undone he moves to kiss him again, tugging Dan’s jeans open as he bites at Dan’s lip and dips his hand under the waist of Dan’s boxers to wrap his fingers around his dick.  
  
“Oh fuck,” Dan breathes. He reaches down to help Phil pull away his jeans, kicking them away and then Phil feels Dan’s hands on his belt. “I’m fucking shaking, god I’m being so pathetic,” Dan mutters. He lies back against the sheets, taking a long breath and Phil presses his lips to his shoulder.   
  
“Do you want me to slow down?” Phil asks. He takes his hand away from Dan and then pushes his boxers past his hips, watching Dan breathing heavily.   
  
“No – I don’t know. I’m just – my hands are shaking.” Dan whispers. He lifts his hips as Phil tugs on his boxers and then drops them to the floor, so Dan’s lying there under him, now completely naked with his hair all messed up and if it isn’t the most beautiful sight Phil’s ever seen then he doesn’t know what is.   
  
He sits up, straddling Dan’s hips and letting his eyes [move](http://definitelythor.tumblr.com/post/60219958333/title-crawling-back-to-you-pairing-phan-rating#) over him, moving his fingers over the skin on Dan’s chest, over the mole under his left nipple, light touches skimming over his ribs so goosebumps appear on Dan’s skin. “ _Jesus_. I’ve thought about this so many times, and now I’m – wow, I don’t know where to start.”

“You could probably start by taking off your jeans because otherwise we’re not going to get very far at all,” Dan says. Phil huffs out a laugh and rolls onto his back. He can feel Dan watching as he gets his belt and his fly undone and hooks his thumbs under the waist of his jeans, pulling them away with his boxers. Dan moves to kiss him again and Phil moans when he feels hot skin on skin, and Dan’s cock pressing at his stomach.   
  
“Can I suck you?” Dan asks.  
   
“Yeah,” Phil breathes. Dan reaches to slide his hand down Phil’s stomach and wrap his hand around him, pressing his thumb to the tip, smiling when Phil’s breath catches.   
Phil makes a desperate noise in his throat when Dan ducks his head and he can feel Dan’s hot breath ghosting against the head of his cock. Then Dan flicks his tongue out to lick the tip, just a barely there touch that makes Phil gasp and he moves his hand to the back of Dan’s hair, gripping at his hair as Dan wraps his lips around him and sucks gently before taking him deeper.   
  
Phil looks down at Dan’s flushed cheeks and swollen lips, and Dan glances up at him and locks their eyes for a moment, before working himself down deeper and starting to move his head up and down. Phil pushes his hips up just a little and Dan groans around him, closing his eyes and breathing heavily through his nose. Phil tugs at his hair, pulling him off and watching Dan take in a shuddering breath before Phil lifts his hips again and watches as Dan takes him again, making a happy little noise as Phil feels his cock touch the back of his throat.   
  
When Dan pulls back he takes a few mouthfuls of air and smiles up at Phil. “I’d like to suck your cock for longer, but I also want you to fuck me so – ”  
  
“I want to do everything to you.”  
  
Dan licks a line from the base of Phil’s cock to the head, and Phil’s heads spinning when Dan moves to hover over him again. “Where do you want me? On my back? Or my front? Or right here so I can ride you?”  
  
“All – all of the above if possible at some point. But like, on your front now.”  
  
Dan raises his eyebrows and rolls off of Phil and onto his front. “Gonna do me doggy style?” he asks with a grin.   
  
"Going to lick you out if that’s okay?"  
  
Dan’s eyes go wide and he presses his forehead against the pillows, letting out a low moan that Phil guesses probably means yes. He shuffles down Dan’s body and leans forward, rubbing his thumb over Dan’s hole before licking over him with his tongue flat.  
  
"Oh, _oh Jesus_ ,” Dan breathes.

Phil smiles, and carries on licking, the tip of his tongue pressing inside as Dans moans get louder. He reaches to push Dan’s legs a little further apart and licks into him. Dan chokes and makes this whining noise in his throat when Phil moves to tease him with a flick of his tongue. He can’t keep the smile off his face, which is making it difficult for him to contrate, but the noises Dan’s making are making it even harder. Dan’s turns his face to breathe but covers his expression with his forearm, shaking and pushing back into Phil’s face as Phil circles Dan ‘s hole and then licks a long strip over him.  
  
"I got lube in my bag, so I’m just grabbing that okay?" Phil says. He shifts back and Dan turns to watch him as he gets his bag off of the floor.  
  
"Why do you have lube in your bag?" he asks, his voice just a whisper.  
  
"Because I might have needed it - um. I wasn’t expecting anything, if that’s what you think. I just kind of chucked it in there."  
  
Dan grins and turns again to bury his face in his arms. “Well, that’s good then,” he says into the pillow.   
  
"Can you roll over for me?" Phil asks.   
  
Dan nods and turns over as Phil coats his fingers in the lube. He moves to press his lips to the side of Dan’s neck, nipping at the skin and then reaching to push Dan’s legs apart again. Dan hitches his leg, his heel pressing against the back of Phil’s thigh.  
  
“You look all cute when you’re concentrating, when you got that angry, serious look on your face,” Dan says.  
  
Phil laughs. “Shut up.” He slips his fingers between Dan’s cheeks, rubbing them against his hole and watching Dan’s eyes close as he breathes out, obviously trying to relax himself. Then he shifts his hips up to meet Phil’s hand.   
  
“Yeah, like get on with it, please,” he mutters.  
  
“I thought you got off on _me_ telling you what to do.”  
  
“Oh, you remember that? Shit.” Dan bites on the inside of his lip and smiles a little sheepishly, not looking Phil in the eye.   
  
Phil pushes his index finger against Dan and slowly slides it inside, feeling Dan tense before he lets out a sigh and rolls his hips, his head falling back against the pillow.   
  
It doesn’t take too long before Phil can slide his middle finger alongside the first, moving them both out easily and pressing back in. He watches, twisting his hand and staring as his fingers disappear inside Dan, up to his knuckles. When he glances up, Dan’s eyes are closed and he’s panting out breaths, one of his hands gripping at the sheets and the other tugging on his hair. The sight makes Phil’s stomach swoop and he wets his lips, moving his fingers faster and then curling his fingers so Dan moans, all low and throaty. The sound sends shocks of arousal straight to Phil’s cock and he presses reaches to stroke himself before moving back over Dan to mouth against his collar.  
  
“You look so good,” he whispers. He keeps curling his fingers in the same spot, and Dan moves his hand from his hair to dig his nails into Phil’s shoulder, gasping and pushing back on Phil’s hand.  
  
“Oh God, please do three,” Dan whimpers. Phil recognises the little hitch in his voice, the total desperation that he became so used to hearing over the phone.   
  
“Beg me,” he mutters against Dan’s neck.   
  
“Please, _please_ add another, Phil. Please.” Dan’s breath catches when Phil does add his third finger. He watches Dan biting his lip into his mouth, arching off of the bed.

“Remember the first time I called you and you came twice, and the second time it was just using your fingers?” Phil asks.  
  
Dan lets out a choked groan and nods his head.   
  
“That was really hot, I still think about that when I get off sometimes.” Phil says.   
  
“Do you – would you prefer me using a condom? Or are you cool without?” Phil asks. He’s still concentrating on pressing his fingers over Dan’s prostate, because every time he does it, Dan shivers all over and his breathing goes all erratic.   
  
“Without. I want - I want you to come inside me.”  
  
Phil stares up at the ceiling, suddenly unable to breath, his fingers still knuckle deep as he thinks about that, of coming inside Dan, filling him up. “Shit,” he whispers. He shakes his head, his hair falling into his eyes as he tries to stop his head from spinning.   
  
Phil always had more control than this over the phone, sometimes he made Dan wait until it sounded like he was going to cry before he let him touch himself, but now with Dan lying out in front of him, all of Phil’s will power has gone because he wants this so much. He pulls his fingers away, wiping them off on the bed covers before he reaches for the lube again, getting it out onto his hand and stroking it over his cock.    
  
“Are you – clean and stuff?” he asks.   
  
“You mean stds? Because I literally haven’t sex in fucking years Phil, and the last person I had sex was with the girl I lost my virginity to.”

“You haven’t had sex in four years?”  
  
Dan raises his eyebrows. “We’ve both got freaking cobwebs growing down there Philip – ”  
  
“You’ve never had sex with a guy,” Phil says suddenly. He knew it was the case really, he just kind of assumed something might have happened at university because Dan spoke about it like he was someone who had done it a lot.   
  
Dan blushes and swallows. “Um – no, I haven’t. Please don’t make a big deal out of it though.”  
  
Phil leans down and kisses Dan’s jaw again. “I won’t, I just want you to talk to me yeah? If there’s anything you’re uncomfortable with I want you to tell me to stop.”

Dan nods his head, sighing and tilting his chin when Phil starts kissing down his neck and stopping to suck and bite at the skin.  
  
“I don’t think it will be that different from using that dildo I found in your bedside drawer the other day,” Dan says and Phil can see him trying not to laugh.  
  
“What dildo?”  
  
“Oh my god, I’m obviously joking. Come on, Phil – do something.”   
  
Phil presses their lips together. “Love you,” he says. The smile on Dan’s face is ridiculous, huge and dimpled like he still can’t believe what’s happening.   
  
“I love you too,” he says.  
  
Phil reaches to guide himself forward, pressing at Dan’s hole and smiling when Dan lifts his legs to press his heels to the small of Phil’s back. Phil bites his lip, watching Dan’s face has he pushes in. Dan swallows, closing his eyes and breathing out slowly, his hand running up over Phil’s side and then finding his arm and gripping tightly.  
  
Phil can only focus on the way his heart is beating in his ears and the desperate choking sound Dan’s making as he moves deeper.   
  
“Oh God,” Dan breathes. Phil drops his head to Dan’s shoulder when he’s all the way inside, gasping at the feeling of Dan so tight around him.  
  
“Let me know when I can move,” Phil says, his voice strained.   
  
“Yeah, yeah. Go for it.”  
  
Phil rolls his hips and Dan grinds up to meet him, setting a slow rhythm. He licks his lips and listens to his own panted breaths mixing with Dan’s quiet little cut off moans and gasps.   
  
“Oh my god, you feel so good,” Phil moans. He speeds up then, moving to hold Dan’s hip, keeping him steady and watching Dan open his mouth and moan loudly. There’s sweat gathering on Dan’s forehead and he reaches to wipe it away, pushing his hair from his face.   
  
Phil moves to kiss him again and it’s clumsy and open-mouthed, both of them moaning into it. He slows down and then Dan arches his back and shudders and Phil keeps moving at the same angle, fucking in faster when he begins to feel heat building in his body. Dan lets out this breathy moan and Phil moves to graze his teeth over his neck and bite down into the skin between his shoulder and neck before shifting back so he’s on his knees.  
  
"God, Phil," Dan moans. Phil watches Dan’s fingers gripping at the sheets under him and he fucks him harder, his nails biting into Dan’s hips .   
  
"Are you close?" Phil asks.  
  
"Yeah," Dan gasps.  
  
“I want to see you come. Going to roll over, okay? Want you to ride me,” Phil says.   
  
Dan hums in agreement and Phil pulls out and lies back against the sheets, letting Dan straddle his hips. Phil pushes back in roughly making Dan moan again.  
  
“Oh fuck, you make the best noises,” Phil says.  
  
Dan closes his eyes, trying to hide his smile. He looks totally wrecked, his hairs a mess and he’s flushed right down to his chest and sweating. Phil pushes his hips up, reaching to get one hand back on Dan’s hip and the over wrapped around his cock. Dan steadies himself with his hands on Phil’s chest and he lifts himself almost all the way off, letting Phil lift his hips, fast and hard.  
  
“Fuck,” Dan hisses.   
  
Phil keeps doing the same, moving his hand over Dan’s cock, rubbing at the head and stroking quickly. “Come on Dan,” Phil mutters, his voice low.   
  
Phil twists his hand and then Dan freezes, dropping his head back and letting out that high pitched moan as he comes over his stomach and Phil’s chest. Phil can feel him clenching around him, shaking as it pulses through him and his body jerks. He pushes his hips up a few times and then tenses as he comes, feeling Dan shudder and opening his eyes to see the smile on Dan’s face, complete bliss all over his expression as he slowly lifts himself off and collapses next to Phil.   
  
"I think I’m going to die," Dan whispers.  
  
"Are you all right?" Phil turns to brush Dan’s hair from his eyes.   
  
"Yeah, I’m pretty good. You?"  
  
Phil smiles. “I’m not bad.” He moves to rest his head against Dan’s chest, listening to his heart beating fast and reaching to trace patterns over his skin, catching his nipple and feeling Dan squirm under him.   
  
"I wasn’t really bad then? Like, for a first timer?" Dan asks.  
  
Phil glances up at him and makes a face. “Ugh, you’ll do I suppose,” he says, smiling and poking out his tongue. “Do you want a shower?”  
  
"Hmm in a bit, want to stay here right now."  
  
Phil runs his fingers over to Dan’s hip where there’s nail shaped marks on his skin and he raises his eyebrows.   
  
"I’m going to have bruises tomorrow," Dan whispers, his eyes following Phil’s.  
  
"You bruise too easily, not my fault."  
  
Dan huffs out another laugh and looks back up at the ceiling with a smile on his face.

**

When they get home they have sex in every room. Phil comes up with new places and Dan acts like it’s always the best idea in the world until Phil suggests his piano and Dan just stares at him blankly before walking out of the room.   
  
Phil keeps waking up next to Dan and double taking, smiling when Dan’s mumbling in his sleep or when he rolls over and drags the duvet with him. Phil’s pretty sure these are things he will get pissed off at in the future, when they’re older and have wedding bands and a dog sleeping at the foot of the bed. But it’s still endearing at the moment, and Phil just smiles fondly and then pulls it back over towards him, usually waking Dan up in the process.   
  
It’s the first day of September, a few hours before they need to be at the BBC for radio show preparation, when Phil hears Dan playing piano and sneaks into his room. 

"Don’t stop," he whispers when Dan’s fingers falter on the keys and he glances up, licking over his lips nervously. Dan sighs and carries on as Phil leans back against the door holding his breath as if breathing might distract or interrupt. When Dan finishes, he looks up at Phil with a shy smile.  
  
"What is that? I recognise it, I don’t know why," Phil asks.  
  
"It’s Arctic Monkeys."  
  
"Oh right, yeah. Wow, you learnt that in like a day. You’re amazing."  
  
"Not really. The chords are all pretty simple, it’s a really easy song to get - "  
  
"Shut up. You’re amazing, don’t argue with me."  
  
Dan rolls his eyes and they go quiet for a moment before Dan stands up and leans forward to press his lips to Phil’s, lifting his hand to cup his jaw. Phil’s fingers rest on Dan’s side and then push under his t shirt to run over bare skin. When Dan pulls back, Phil slides his hand to the back of Dan’s neck and pulls him forward again, making Dan smile against his lips. Then he leans back and sighs, reaching to brush Dan’s hair from his forehead.   
  
"Wanna build a blanket fort?" he asks and Dan breathes out a laugh.  
  
"What are you five?"  
  
"We can get your Mac in there, because your battery isn’t rubbish, and watch a few episodes of Buffy and make out, just chill before work?"

"Sounds good." Dan’s still smiling and letting his eyes move over Phil’s face.   
  
Phil moves to press his lips to his cheek. His eyes are shining and the smile on his face is beginning to hurt his cheeks. He presses another kiss to Dan’s jaw and then moves back to look at him properly.  
  
"I can’t believe you’re real," he says, with the most sincere expression, and Dan’s smile grows, which Phil didn’t actually think was possible.   
  
It feels like they’ve gone in a full circle and Dan’s eighteen again, getting off that train in Manchester. Phil’s thought about it plenty of times, things he’d do and say differently and things he’d change but ultimately, what’s happened has already happened. There’s no point in thinking about what could have been, and in all honesty the good, the learning constellations with Dan and building blanket forts and falling asleep together, definitely out weighs the bad. When Phil really thinks about it he realises he wouldn’t change a single thing.


End file.
